Friday, 30 July 2010

"Leaving On A Jet Plane"

It’s always disturbing when my life mirrors John Denver songs. Then again, certain songs are fitting since the next few months will likely involve my “bags being packed and ready to go”, Virginia, (though not exactly West Virginia), and traveling away from my friends and family. Daunting, but certainly not dismal. Not only will I be in the company of trees, but I will also be nearer to H. Gardener, Haur and Anna, and other friends who migrated eastwards.

Yes, I really am taking a year off from college. No, I never planned to do so last semester. Why not? Because it was too hard to think about anything besides surviving my first year of school. Yes, I realize that it’s inconvenient. And yes, I am already struggling with Financial Aid over reinstating scholarships, etc. No, I have no idea what I want to do when I come back, or even when I’ll come back. But yes, I do indeed plan on spending this time to relearn lovely and healthy habits such as taking time for tea and breakfast, reading for fun, and recovering from soul-ish exhaustion.

“Soul-ish Exhaustion” remains a vague term to me, but someone once suggested it as a definition for my general weariness. Perhaps it’s something similar to “burn out”. I didn’t crash and burn, but I think I kept stretching an already tightly wound “person” (soul? Body? Both?) until one “part” finally snapped. I don’t know what I mean by “part”, or however a soul can “snap”. But I think my physical condition reflects whatever is going on in my soul. My body is tired, weak, full of tension, and demanding care and attention that I so often refused to give. And perhaps my soul is demanding the same thing. When I was younger, many people commented on how similarly I behaved to their grandma: uptight, kind of pokey, anxious, and generally quirky. Well, now my body feels as achy as a grandma’s body, and I’m too worn out to drive myself any further.

So rather than pushing myself through another year of school, I’m taking time off to learn how to rest and undo the bodily and soulish knots. I’ll do my best to spare you from too-close-too-soon-rambly-self-revelation-personal-details. This blog is mainly for documenting my travels, anyways. (Or to update my family on practical details: such as “OH NO! Giant antelope ate my car!”) But the occasional rambly post will probably arise.

This is actually a very selfish blog—But maybe I’ll try not to worry about that right now, since the purpose of HootHootWoof is to remain in dialogue with family and friends. (Alli, am I being silly?) And I suppose there are “selfish” conversations… Alright, I’ll stop being a silly worry bird and shall go stretch.

P.S.-I finally finished sewing some bunting flags for my room. Shall post a picture once I buy a camera.

P.P.S.-I'm not leaving on a jet plane. I'm driving. But my bags should still be packed and ready to go.